Many caregiver families are struggling with the question of what to do when Mom or Dad is losing competency and is no longer a safe driver.  The elder in your family may not see that he or she has a problem.  Perhaps the elder is the sort who always says "I don't need any help, thank you", when you and everyone else in the family is pretty sure the elder does need help.  The dangerous driving of an elder can be a serious and life threatening problem for others.  If you are concerned about the driving ability of your elder, take steps to protect your loved one, as well as the public.  Tragic news stories tell us that people die because no one acted when an older driver, who likely had a problem for some time, got out of control and killed many other people with his car.  He didn't remember what happened.  We advocate a thought-out, five step approach to this problem.

First, ride along with your elder in the car and see for yourself if there is a safety issue.  Next, if you see poor or dangerous driving, approach your loved one at the right time, respectfully and gently.  If you can't do this, or get nowhere, try approaching your elder with another trusted person, sibling, friend, or clergy person.   We call this the two-on-one approach.  Avoid being forceful, or dictating what has to be done.  Allow the elder to speak for himself or herself and give your opinions as to what you have seen of the elder's driving.  Let the elder know how concerned and worried you are.

If that does not get you anywhere, try using the help of a professional.  A mediator, social worker, trained clergy person sitting in with you, in a two-on-one approach, can be helpful.  The person you ask to assist you should be professionally trained in some way to deal with conflict, as your elder may be in denial about his or her driving.  This creates conflict with those who care about the elder.  Tact and respect are essentials.

The next step you may choose is an intervention.  This is a tactic used to assist those who have drug or alcohol problems, and who don't want to be helped.  We apply the same principles to working with an elder who is in total denial about dangerous driving, and needing help.  An intervention does take the assistance of a professional, and should be handled with care.  It can be an effective way to break down the elder's resistance.  It has certain risks, in that the elder may feel attacked or ganged up on, but it can also be the first time the elder has faced a room full of loving family members and a professional, all saying the same thing:  you need help and your driving is putting you, and others at serious risk of harm.

As a last resort, you may need to use legal means.  The elder may be a danger to himself or others because of driving, and perhaps because of other difficulties in managing her or his life.  A guardianship or conservatorship, as it is sometimes called, is a last measure to use only if everything else has failed.  It is worth doing if it protects the elder from hurting himself or someone else, and should be considered when it is very clear from more than one source that the danger is real.  One needs to consult an elder law attorney to help assess the danger, and to handle the guardianship.  One must pay an attorney and go to court for the appointment of a guardian.  It can take away the elder's complete freedom, and should be considered only in the most serious of situations.